Dispensing with the Formalities

Monday, April 10, 2006

Dispensing with the Formalities

All this talk of not-so-secret plans to attack Iran has my stomach doing flip-flops.

It also compels me to pull out my pretty, pretty tinfoil hat and pose the following inquiry, as if President Bush can magically hear me.
Are you really trying to start WWIII with the hope that it will jump-start the Apocalypse? Sorry to burst your bubble, Mr. President, but someone really should have explained to you that it doesn't work that way. It violates both the principle and the spirit of Murphy's Law-- the fact is that you can't manipulate Murphy's Law to your advantage, if you do something to cosmically force something else to happen it doesn't work that way.

For instance, lighting up a cigarette to make the bus come? Fails every time. Taking or leaving behind your umbrella to control whether or not it rains? Does nothing. Going to the bathroom at a restaurant to force a waitperson come and take your order? Doesn't work. Starting a nuclear war in the Middle East in an attempt to trigger the Rapture so you can get to Heaven faster? Sorry, but that won't work either. Really. Jesus will see straight through that bushit.

Considering that you believe in an omnipotent God you really don't seem to give Him much credit. However, IF God and/or Jesus is telling you to do this, to start WWIII, just please make sure you share the news with the rest of us, OK? That kind of news is just too good not to share with everyone and anyone who will listen!
Then I take my tinfoil hat off, fold it gently, and put it back in its drawer.

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