Translating the Most Recent News in Iraq

Friday, July 28, 2006

Translating the Most Recent News in Iraq

Earlier this week, the Associated Press reported on deteriorating conditions in Iraq. Permit to assist a war-weary public with interpreting the Bush administration's assessment:
Washington (AP) - The U.S. and Iraq are moving thousands of troops into Baghdad to bolster Iraq's war-weary capital in what the White House suggests is an acknowledgment that the six-week U.S.-Iraqi security offensive is not working.
We are in one hell of a fu**in' mess.
.... "It's pretty clear that there's an attempt in Baghdad to create as much chaos and havoc as possible. And it's important to make sure that we address this," White House press secretary Tony Snow said.
The latest spate of violence totally caught us off guard. Naturally, we didn't expect insurgents to employ such clever tactics as "chaos and havoc." Usually, insurgents' M.O. is order and congeniality.
[Snow] said it was clear that the previous plan to bolster security, which Bush praised on his surprise visit to the city on June 13, "has not achieved its objectives."
The previous plan has worked just as masterfully as Napoleon's conquest of Russia.
Snow did not give details of the new Baghdad security plan other than to say it was in the works and would be high on the agenda for the Bush-al-Maliki meetings.
As usual, we're making this up as we go.
Other U.S. officials said [the plan] entails bringing more U.S. troops into Baghdad from elsewhere in Iraq.
And issuing each new soldier a rabbit's foot for good luck.
... Forces are being shifted to meet changing security demands in different neighborhoods "to face the enemy where we think he is," the official said.
We think the enemy is in a shitload of neighborhoods.

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