Demagogue

I listen to NPR every day on the way into work.

Every day that is, except when it hands over a few minutes to Susan Stamberg, who insists on doing the most pointless and pompous stories imaginable.

Yesterday, NPR gave Stamberg nearly 7 minutes for a piece on "The Humble Baguette's Return to Glory".

That's right - 7 minutes on French bread. Before it began, I quickly switched the station and when I returned, the story was just wrapping up.

And this is what I was treated to (this excerpt is a bit long, but necessary to appreciate the highlighted quote in all its pretentiously idiotic glory)

STAMBERG: You can still get bad bread in France, but not at Kazer's Bakery. In his book, "Cherchez le pain: The 100 Best Bakeries In Paris," bread historian Steve Kaplan puts Kazer at the top of his list. Professor Kaplan finds this crust a crunchy, crisp perfection, the mix of big and small cavities in the bread just right.

Prof. KAPLAN: And then when you bring it to your nose...

(Soundbite of Kaplan smelling the bread)

STAMBERG: Professor Kaplan is burying his nose in the cut baguette as you would nuzzle the neck of a lover.

Prof. KAPLAN: ...there's an extraordinary kind of geyser of aromas.

Unidentified Man: Yeah.

Prof. KAPLAN: And for me, this is hot cereal, this is toasted flour, this is buttery and, of course, you want to eat it now.

(Soundbite of people eating)

STAMBERG: Oh, this is wonderful.

Prof. KAPLAN: Yeah. It is wonderful, isn't it?

STAMBERG: Because the crust is so crusty.

Unidentified Man: Yeah.

Prof. KAPLAN: That's right.

STAMBERG: And the inside is...

Prof. KAPLAN: And yet, it's what the French call moelleux.

STAMBERG: Moelleux, a little runny.

Prof. KAPLAN: ...the extraordinary--it has a kind of voluptuous quality to it. It has a soft and, yet at the same time, engaging texture.

(Soundbite of people eating)

Prof. KAPLAN: Mmm.

STAMBERG: Oh, it's wonderful bread.

Prof. KAPLAN: Yeah. Yeah. It's the best.

STAMBERG: You'd have to be a Dr. Atkins to disagree, or someone so devoted to his low-carb--i.e., no bread--principles that they can't see the ficelle for the forest. Bread-lover, Francophile and Cornell Professor Steve Kaplan has an opinion on that.

Prof. KAPLAN: This is confirmation from the French that Americans are Meshugeneh, as we used to say when I was a kid. I mean, this is the same policy that brought us disaster in Iraq. It's nonsense.

So there you go:

The Atkins Diet = The Bush Doctrine

And that is the final word from a "bread historian" on what is wrong with the Iraq war and American foreign policy.

Thanks NPR.